The Letter J
by Molly Raesly
Summary: I don’t get jealous. But why am I so jealous?” She paused to catch her breath. Then, looking back down at the ground, Lily continued, “And why is the letter “J” stalking me like a bloody ghost?”


_Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to JKR. I am not her, but I do like to dabble with her characters.___

_For Jenyse, my soul, and Co-Master of the letter "J." Simple words cannot describe how much your friendship means to me._

The Letter J

Lily sat on a couch in the Gryffindor Common Room, reviewing her notes on the Jelly-Legs Jinx that Professor Jarron hinted would be on the upcoming Defense Against the Dark Arts final exam. Though she was a Six Year, sandwiched between the two most important years of testing, Lily still wanted to do well on her end-of-term exams. It was very important that she got top marks. She did not want anyone, especially the Slytherins, to doubt her magical abilities because of her muggleborn status. She got enough teasing as it was.

After reading the same bit of information several times in order to infuse it into her brain, Lily sighed. She heard the sounds of First Years playing exploding snap loudly a few feet away from her. Lily, however, was too tired to fulfill her role as a prefect. Even her desire to become Head Girl was not enough motivation to get her out of her favorite armchair. Her head was already pounding too hard to tell them to be quiet; there was no way her brain could handle whining, too, in its current condition. Lily glanced down at her watch. It was earlier than she wanted it to be, only a few minutes after eight. Lily decided that she would continue studying for a few more minutes before going upstairs, reading a book, and then drifting off into some much needed, glorious sleep.

She flipped through the pages of her assiduously taken notes quickly, not fully comprehending the meaning of the words her eyes glazed over. Suddenly, she heard a high pitched giggling from across the room. Lily lifted her head to see the source of the sound.

In the back corner of the Common Room, James Potter was sitting next to a girl named Jaylyn Cavan on a couch, animatedly talking to her. Lily smiled as he gestured wildly with his hands as he tried to get his point across. Whatever he was trying to convey, it was obviously meaningful to James due to the amount of gusto his arms were making. The giggles continued to erupt from Jaylyn's mouth, echoing throughout the entire room. This upset Lily greatly, for reasons she could not fathom.

She had never been fond of Jaylyn. She had strawberry blonde hair, light blue eyes, and too-tight jeans. She was also a Sixth Year and the seeker on the Quidditch team. Lily felt like she had been jabbed in the stomach as she thought of all the time Jaylyn must spend with James, the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Never had Lily guessed that she would one day wish to be a jock.

James ruffled his untidy hair with his fingers as he continued with his conversation. Lily laughed internally. This remained the one thing James had retained from his "jerk" days. His juvenile behavior had greatly diminished over the year. He no longer jeered at Slytherins for boredom's sake, and he had even stopped acting up during lessons. James had yet to ask Lily out again since that one time last year at the lake. Although he still talked to her, Lily had a feeling James was always being very careful around her, like he was hiding some magnificent secret from her. She was pleased that the two had become somewhat friends during the past year. James was a very intriguing person. Attractive, too.

Lily did not have time to admonish herself for this thought because she was distracted by the sounds of Jaylyn's laughter again. Lily frowned in distaste. It sounded more like cackling than laughter. It sounded all wrong as it combined with James's hearty laugh. It was like the laughter was music out of key. Lily's frown progressed to a scowl when Jaylyn reached up to pat James's face, her fingers lingering on the base of his jaw. Her nails, too long and painted an ugly orange color, drifted along his cheek. Lily balled up her hands into fists. _She_ should not get to touch James like that, especially not when Lily had been aching to do the same motion for months now.

Lily's anger subsided a little when James shied away from Jaylyn's grasp. His smile never left his face as he continued to look at his conversation partner, however, and this fact did not go unnoticed by Lily. Lily brought her stack of parchment up to her face. She feigned studying as she continued to spy on the couple. Peeking up from her notes, Lily glimpsed James greeting Sirius, James's best friend and fellow Marauder, as he walked past.

Although she had once despised him, Sirius had really grown on Lily. His childish antics were amusing to her now, rather than foolhardy. Plus, Lily admired his attitude towards her. Despite his Pureblood family, he never disrespected Lily or poked fun at her birth. Lily had an inkling this was mainly because of James.

"James," Lily sighed under her breath, almost wistfully.

She peered up again and discovered that Sirius had left. He was now talking to Remus by the fireplace. Jaylyn was still giggling like a moron, her face had turned a pinkish color. Lily wondered why she was blushing. Was it something James had said? Her hair shoke around her as her chest heaved up and down from the laughter. Lily hoped James did not notice the obvious view down her low-cut top as this occurred. She continued to watch the pair as James leaned in to say something in her ear. After seeing this, something inside Lily exploded.

She could find no reason to explain the unjustifiable hatred that spread like the blood in her veins, coursing through her entire body. Lily's jaw clenched completely on its own, her teeth grinding together. Her eyes squinted so tight that they were nearly closed shut as she glared at the couple. Lily dug her nails into her palms, trying to stop herself from clawing out the ever-giggling girl's eyes. Lily seethed.

James Potter was not hers, and she was not his. Lily knew this to be true. She looked down at her parchment once more, lamenting this fact. It caused her insides to practically ache with hurt. No, James Potter was definitely not Lily's. There was no reason he could not joke with Jaylyn if he chose to do so. There was absolutely nothing stopping him. Still, Lily had the almost undeniable urge to jerk him away from_ her_ and keep him for herself. Lily shook her head. She was being ridiculous. She could not let this, this, overwhelming hatred control her. There was nothing that Jaylyn could do with James Potter that would make Lily lose her constant, practiced state of tranquility.

Lily nodded to herself, reinforcing her decision, before looking up to gaze at them one more time. Jaylyn had reached her hand up to play with one of James's disorderly locks. Lily slammed her papers down onto the table in front of her, making a weird nose with her mouth as she did so. The sound startled her. She had not meant to be so loud, to make that dramatic of an action. She had not wanted to be affected so much. Several people turned their heads to look in her direction. Lily blushed and tried to avoid the many glances when she saw a pair of hazel eyes, hidden by round spectacles, seeking her own. His eyes held hers for an immeasurable amount of time. He seemed confused, as though he was trying to understand her by just staring into her eyes.

Eventually, Lily had to look away. Embarrassed and furious with herself, Lily ran out of the Common Room and into a deserted corridor. She sprinted as fast as she could, the walls blending in with each other. Her eyes stung, and she could sense that she was crying. They were not heaving sobs, but rather long tears streaming down her face. Although Lily was running as fast as her legs could carry her, she could hear the poundings of another set of footsteps from behind her. Her follower was moving much faster than she was. Lily knew she would soon be overtaken.

"Lily! Lily! Stop!" she heard a voice call out to her.

Lily immediately recognized the voice, but did not slow her pace. She may have been very confused at the moment, but she knew that talking to James Potter right now was not what she wanted. She kept running until she reached a dead-end. The staircase had moved, and there was nowhere to go.

"Bugger," Lily muttered to herself. She tried in vain to ready herself for his company. Although emotionally, Lily knew she was still completely unprepared, she managed to remove all traces of tears from her face frantically with the back of her hand.

"Lily," James panted as he approached her, slowing down his pace from a sprint to a walk. "Finally, I've been chasing you for ages."

Lily looked down sheepishly. "Yes, sorry about that."

"Why were you running?" he asked, his eyes searching for an answer she was unwilling to give.

"Exercise?" Lily answered weakly, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh, so you figured that you would just take a nice little jaunt in some abandoned corridors?" James asked sarcastically.

Lily nodded her head, examining his shoes rather than his face. They were nice, a dark, shiny black like his mop of hair.

"That doesn't explain what happened in the Common Room," he insisted.

"Nothing happened in the Common Room," Lily replied dismissively, trying to walk past him.

"No, you don't," James said, grabbing her wrist with between his fingers and pulling her back to face him. "Lily, there's something you're not telling me. What's wrong? You seemed, I don't know..." he sighed, trailing off. "There just seemed to be something bothering you before," he finished finally

"I'm surprised you were able to notice me," Lily spat back acidly, livid at his correct assumptions and even more so that he could cause these type of emotions within her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked defensively.

"It's rather difficult to hear when you have incessant giggling in your ear," Lily replied coldly.

"What does this have to do with Jaylyn?"

Lily clenched her fists at the name. The scene of Jaylyn and James joking together reentered her mind. The same loathing feeling surged through her once more. Obviously, this was a conspiracy. Just when Lily had finally started to like, possibly even love, James Potter, he had to start chatting up Jaylyn. Lily did not know whether to laugh or cry. Of course, James would fall for a girl like her. She was a jock like him, who liked his jokes. Her name even started with a "J," just like James. Lily wanted to curse her parents for naming her "Lily." It was the wrong letter, but it was so close in the alphabet. Lily could have laughed now. Wasn't that the perfect way to describe her relationship with James now? So close, but never quite reaching.

"Don't say her name," Lily pleaded.

"Did you and Jaylyn have a fight, or something?" James asked, still trying to discern what was causing Lily's outburst.

"Stop talking about her!" Lily shrieked, too loud and shrill even to her own ears.

James's eyes widened, and an impish grin formed across his face. "Lily, are you jealous?" he asked amusedly.

There it was again. The letter "J." The only "J"-word Lily could possess. Jealousy. It was the emotion Lily had been feeling all along. Jealousy. That's what it was. Of course. She should have realized before.

"No," Lily snarled too quickly.

"I think you are," James persisted.

"Why should I be, though?" Lily questioned, mostly to herself. "I mean, you are just James Potter. James Potter, the annoying jerk who used to terrorize me. It makes no sense for me to be angry that you are talking to her. There's no reason why she shouldn't be able to joke with you. It's illogical. I don't get jealous. But why am I so jealous?" She paused to catch her breath. Then, looking back down at the ground, Lily continued, "And why is the letter "J" stalking me like a bloody ghost?"

James stifled his laughter and composed himself before asking, "The letter "J" is stalking you?"

"It's everywhere! James! Jaylyn! Jealousy! I can't get rid of it. It's just driving me insane!"

"Lily," James said, his voice almost seeming to caress the syllables. She looked down. "Lily," he repeated, just as smoothly, placing his forefinger under her chin to lift it up gently. Lily timidly looked into his hazel eyes. "There's no reason to be jealous."

Lily tried to open her mouth to reply, but no sound came out. Her heart was making far too much noise as it thumped in her chest. She was sure the knights of armor a few feet away from them could hear it, let alone James.

"Jaylyn was talking to me about setting her up with Sirius," he continued.

Lily's eyes widened. "Sirius?" she croaked.

"Yes," James confirmed. "She was asking me if she thought I could put in a good word for her."

"Then why did she keep touching you and giggle?"

"We were practicing her flirting techniques. I was trying to teach her what to do to get Sirius's attention."

"Oh," Lily replied, examining the floor again.

"There's another reason why you don't have to be jealous, you know," James told her after a minute's silence.

"There is?" Lily asked, looking up hopefully.

"You see, the letter "J" may be stalking you recently, but the letter "L" has been plaguing me for years."

"What?" Lily asked, confused.

James moved towards her as he spoke, slowly and painstakingly, either to prolong the moment or to make Lily's insides melt. His smile was broader than she had seen it all year. "You see, Lily, I can't seem to get your lovely, luscious-looking lips out of my head," James admitted.

"Oh," Lily replied, wishing something more profound could come out of her mouth.

"In fact, I would just love to kiss you one time," James whispered.

He was very close, very, very close. Lily cold smell his musky scent that no cologne could reproduce. She could see every detail of his hazel eyes behind his glasses and could practically feel the body heat emerging from his tall form.

James bent down to meet Lily's head, which had risen to meet his, acting entirely of its own accord, as though it was instinct rather than a conscious choice. Lily could no longer gape at James's overpowering stare, for her own eyes had fluttered close. Finally, their lips met. It was soft, slow, and filled with passion, yet, somehow, a fire seemed to start burning within Lily at the simple contact. Lily's knees felt like they had been hit with the jelly-legs jinx, and after a few blissful moments, she had to come up for air. She moved her head back, just far enough so she could examine his expression. His face was jubilant; she had never seen him as happy as he was then, crookedly smiling down at her. Lily smiled back at him, joy spreading across her own features.

"Just once more," she whispered before leaning in to capture his lips again.

Lily could feel his lips curl into a smile as they moved against hers. She had a feeling that "K" had become her new favorite letter, a kiss being the only thing between "J" and "L."


End file.
